Matrixston Wow! Such a good movie.

NekoHomey Purely Joyful Movie!

Noutions Good movie, but best of all time? Hardly . . .

ThedevilChoose When a movie has you begging for it to end not even half way through it's pure crap. We've all seen this movie and this characters millions of times, nothing new in it. Don't waste your time.

The Grand Master Abraxas, Guardian of the Universe feels like the entire movie was written by a child for a primary school assignment. The entire movie resembles something that was made up by a child. I probably could have written this for a short story for a school assignment in school and get a good mark. How this was made into a movie I'll never know. I don't know where to start on how bad this movie is. From the nonsensical and unintentionally laughably pathetic dialogue, rubbish action sequences, woeful explosions, and poor attempts at violence. I was shocked to see James Belushi pop up in a cameo as an incompetent school principal, most likely done as a favour for someone.Jesse Ventura (Predator, The Running Man) plays an intergalactic police officer named Abraxas who has been sent back to Earth to stop a rogue alien named Secundus played by Sven-Ole Thorsen (well known character actor who has appeared in Conan The Barbarian, Lethal Weapon, The Running Man, Red Heat among others). Secundus is looking for a woman on Earth to impregnate so she can bear his child to carry on his legacy.Where have I seen this before??? Oh yes, this is a low grade rip off of Arnold Schwarzenegger's classic sci-fi movie The Terminator (1984). Even so, this movie miserably fails.Look no further than the atrocious dialogue present throughout the movie and you get the idea on how bad this movie is. Referring to a box containing "VD" - Vibrational Detection. That is laughable. But wait, there's more. "T-squared", "Volted", "Pla-Steel", "Comater", "Answer Box" and "Anti-life equation". Wow, sounds like these words have been plucked out of a Maths class. I'm still scratching my head here. Are you sure this story wasn't derived from a Primary School assignment? There are so many plot holes throughout the movie as well. Characters that just disappear and serve no purpose throughout the movie? Rookie error. Small town Deputy Sheriff officers carrying Uzi's in their patrol car as well as outdated .38 Revolvers?! No way! Besides, these two deputies are nothing more than a pair of hapless, dim-witted clowns that couldn't catch a cold. Jesse Ventura and Sven-Ole Thorsen both share the distinction of appearing with Arnold Schwarzenegger in numerous movies throughout the 1980's. Both actors also shared the screen along with Arnold Schwarzenegger in Predator (1987) and The Running Man (1987). Fellas, you are great in small roles and character actors respectively, but you will never be in the same league as Arnold Schwarzenegger.Unless you want to have a good laugh at how pathetic this movie is, go ahead and watch it. But this will be 90 minutes that you will never get back. Alternatively, just find all copies of this movie and blast it into outer space.1/10.

RTheManF89 And that's no joke! I ordered this last week, very anxious to see this in spite of it's bad rep. It finally came in today and I saw it! The best bad movie ever! Abraxas: Guardian of the Universe XD. Now, onto the movie. The movie centers around an intergalactic cop named obviously, Abraxas (Played by Jesse Ventura from Predator. He gets top billing in this as most of the movies he's been in like Predator or Running Man, he usually co-stars as a jerk who gets killed early in a movie) in pursuit of his ex-partner turned renegade, Secundus (Played hilariously by Sven-Ole Thorsen from The Running Man) on earth. We then stumble upon a young couple, the girl, Sonia Murray (Being played by Marjorie Bransfield) wants to keep her virginity, even though her boyfriend wants to get laid with her. Secundus then comes across the couple and tosses the boyfriend out of the car and drives off with Sonia. It is unknown what happens to the boyfriend aftewards. Secundus then asks Sonia if she's fertile and then rapes her by placing his hand on her tummy (WTF!?!) A few minutes later, she gives birth, but how did she do it without anyone to help her? Did she gag it out of her mouth or something? Later, she is seen at her house with her parents, who kick her out of the house because she doesn't know who the father is. Flash forward to Abraxas' home planet. Dar and Hite (Abraxas' dispatchers, would you believe it if I said that the guy playing Dar happened to be the film's director?) have discovered that Secundus has now broken out of his jail and escaped. So after some arguing, they send Abraxas to earth to pursue Secundus yet again. Secundus has returned to earth, 5 years after he impregnated Sonia, to search for Sonia's child, Tommy, who just so happens to be a Comator or something like that. He apparently, has the anti-life equation, which is capable of destroying a world. I don't think I need to go any further with the plot. I will say there are a lot of unintentionally funny moments, like Jesse saying "My Box has V.D." What's especially funny (unintentionally) is the movie's soundtrack. It's mostly soft jazz playing during the fight sequences, which is very unfitting for a fight sequence, yet laughable at the same time. There's also a somehow pointless scene of Secundus smashing some bottles of Pepsi (My favorite soda btw), which could explain why the movie happens to be sponsored by Coca-Cola, after he steals the Jeep from the camping family. Jim Belushi makes a quick and somehow pointless cameo as the Principle of Tommy's school. He did the cameo as a favor to Marjorie Bransfield, who plays Sonia. And towards the end, for no reason at all, while Secundus confronts Tommy in the warehouse, the song "Strong As I Am" (From "Manhunter") by The Prime Movers, is heard, and just like the Kenny G music playing during the fight sequences, it does not fit the scene at all. It works better in "Manhunter" than it does here.

kid_Green During the decline of the VHS, I used to troll Dollar store movie bins and snap up every piece of crap movie I could find. Abraxas is up there in my worst movies collection along with The Elimnators and Frasier the Sensual Lion (or Frasier the Friendly Lion, the title on the box doesn't match the title in the film).Abraxas has some of the most awkward scenes and dialogue of any film ever made. I find it extremely comforting to know that I am not the only person here changed by that amazing scene where Jesse the Body Ventura tries to bond with the alien hybrid child but, to the viewers horrified amazement, seems to be coming on to him.This film is an absolute trainwreck and every car is spewing laughing gas.

darkknightsds If you are expecting something serious out of this movie, then stay away. But if you are one of those types who loves to laugh at bad-acting and even worse story lines, then you will find this to be the "Best Bad Movie Ever." From Jim Belushi as a clueless teacher to Jesse Ventura's sexual healing, this movie has it all. You will not stop laughing as a naked Minnesotan Governor invites a young boy into his bed to teach him about "Two men who were partners." You will be puzzled as Mr. Ventura walks in on the mom showering, only for the mom to not be startled at all. A high-school girl will become pregnant and give birth in a matter of seconds, while Sven prances around killing kids.At the end of this pitiful movie, you will most likely want to die, but it is still worth a few good laughs! A must! I give it a -10 and a 10!!! I guess he average would then be 0, or 1, since that's closest!