StyleSk8r At first rather annoying in its heavy emphasis on reenactments, this movie ultimately proves fascinating, simply because the complicated, highly dramatic tale it tells still almost defies belief.

Bea Swanson This film is so real. It treats its characters with so much care and sensitivity.

Mathilde the Guild Although I seem to have had higher expectations than I thought, the movie is super entertaining.

Haven Kaycee It is encouraging that the film ends so strongly.Otherwise, it wouldn't have been a particularly memorable film

samthecam So you saw Troll 2 and you thought "hahaha, this is amazingly bad, the acting and the script are so terrible, nothing makes sense." Well Things is like bad movie 2.0. Literally everything about the movie is utterly incompetent, from the makeup and prosthetics, to the cinematography and sound mixing. The only real question is where to begin, so to make this easier I'm going to go through every element of the movie and discuss it.Plot: The plot of Things is extremely simple, but handled so incompetently that it turns into the most difficult to follow film since Primer. Halfway through it I realised I had no idea what was going on and why, and why any of the characters where acting in these baffling ways, but the film just continued. It very rarely stops to explain what is happening, and when it does it just gets more confusing. For example, about a third of a way through the movie, one of the characters seemingly explodes (for no reason), firing blood all over another characters shirt. Later on the protagonist hears a noise that somehow signifies that not only did character 1 not explode, he's gone to get help. What kind of noise would signify this? Where did the blood come from? How did the character just vanish? Why didn't he say he was going? This film raises many questions, none of which are answered ever. The filmmakers must be utterly mental, to look at the script and think "yep, this is cohesive and makes sense."Script: As was mentioned earlier the entire thing is impossible to follow, their are cutaways that have nothing to do with the rest of the film, scenes (I'm looking at you newsroom scenes) that are completely unnecessary, but perhaps the most baffling thing of all is the characters. The three main characters all share one trait, and that is that they love to goof around and play zany pranks, but these pranks are played at such inappropriate times that you begin to question the sanity of the characters, although you'd do that anyway. After the Things are born and eat a secondary characters wife the reaction of our three heroes is "Oh no, better get back to the kitchen." And here they sit, telling nonsensical jokes like "how do you get paper children? F*ck a bag lady," and completely failing to do anything about the encroaching menace. This is there sole character trait, and it's one that makes no sense and is totally inappropriate. Acting: Poor across the board, not a single ounce of emotion is brought across by the actors across the entirety of the movie.Cinematography: The cinematography fails largely due to the mental editing, but one hilarious scene stands out. As the characters sit around their table, the once bright light suddenly fades to be ever so slightly dimmer. "Oh no, looks like the lights have gone out," says our protagonist, as he sits in a brightly lit area, the light clearly showing off the characters irritation at this sudden lack of vision.Music and sound: The music could not be more tonally out of place if it was ripped from an episode of Barney the purple Dinosaur, but the audio of the characters lines is baffling. It is badly dubbed over, and the difference between what they originally recorded and what they dubbed over is as obvious as a brick to the skull. The sound is terribly mixed, with some scenes being totally silent except for some music, and others having the loudest dialogue ever.Makeup and prosthetics: This is the only area where the movie is even semi competent, although no real praise is forthcoming. The only positive is at least they had prosthetics, and they did make me feel sick, but only because of how terrible they were. They look hideous, in both senses of the word, both fake and disgusting. Towards the end I was genuinely beginning to feel sick, because of how horrible it all was.Monsters: The "THINGS" do not move. They sit there and look horrible, and then are occasionally pushed along or placed at strategic points to give the illusion that they are attacking someone. At the very least they are not scary in the slightest.As horrible and incompetent as things is, I can't hate it. I was fully entertained the whole way through, because my mind was desperately struggling to understand what on earth was going on. I would totally recommend you watch it, but you'd better be ready for confusion

Aqua_Fresca Wow...There have been many films that have come along that have achieved a level of awfulness so great that they become legendary. I could name a dozen off the top of my head, a dozen that in one way or another ended up defining a Director/Actor's career, a genre, or a generation. You may see so many of these films in your lifetime, or at the very least witness the countless references from a variety of sources, and you'll usually leave with the same question: can it get any worse than this? It can. It has. It may have happened all the way back in 1989, but in my estimation, it may never be this perfect ever again. What exactly happened? THINGS happened.What is the plot? It doesn't matter. Who are the characters? It doesn't matter. Should you care about anything that happens? That really depends on the stability of your own mind. Is it entertaining? As entertaining a movie of this caliber can be. What exactly is wrong with it? Everything....and yet, nothing at all.This is a movie that exists (and succeeds) on its own twisted level of distress and incompetence that it's amazing it can still be classified as a "movie." Whereas most films rely on the cohesion of its parts to form a unified whole, THINGS approaches an unparallelled level of disconnection between everything that's supposed to be holding it together that you may find yourself wondering if this is just some horrible dream.And this is where the film succeeds. This is where THINGS comes together in all its glory. No other film in all my years of watching films has come closer than this film has to accurately duplicating the experience of a nightmare, failing in every respect to address the following questions with clarity and logic: Who are these people? What are they doing? Where are we? What am I looking at? What is that? What just happened? When will this end? (This final question compounded more so by the never ending credits that suggest a full cast & crew of hard working filmmakers, but whose contributions nevertheless remain inexplicable.) This is the kind of dream that is so confounding, so intrusive on your own solace, that to finally be granted the relief of having it end would only bring about the worst headache imaginable.THINGS is unparallelled and unequalled. No other film is as great a contradiction of style and execution. It is awful in the absence of coherence and logic, and yet still manages to reach a level of perfection because of it. If you truly want to experience the greatest of the great bad films, then do what you can to find THINGS. Trust me when I say it's an experience you'll never forget. Ever.

TheRetardedVacuum Things is truly a masterpiece of cinema, and as such it must be shown to everybody young and old so they can bask in the sheer brilliance of this piece of cinematic art. Okay, so that's not exactly true, in fact there is so much wrong with this movie in the first 20 minutes that I could write about it for hours.The plot goes something like this: A man named Doug (Doug Bunston) is tending to his sick wife Susan (Patricia Sadler) when his friend Fred (Bruce Roach) and brother Don (Barry J. Gillis) come over for some drinks and sandwiches. We then cut to some kind of hospital where a doctor is cutting various body parts off of some deformed guy... don't know what this has to do with the rest of the movie. As it turns out Doug let a doctor perform experiments on Susan so they can have a baby because Doug is unable to. This causes gigantic ants to crawl out of her stomach (makes sense, right?) and run amok in the house. It's up to Doug, Fred and Don to kill them all.This movie seems to be one of those SOV movies made by a group of friends messing around with a camcorder (which I totally respect), and it shows here because the acting is terrible, so is the dialog. Some of my favorite lines of the entire movie:"The next time you come with me on a trip, you're staying home" (Well, you can't do both!)Don: "You didn't tell me you were a kindergarten artist" Doug: "You didn't tell me you were an *SSHOLE I had to find that out for myself" Priceless.There are several more but frankly I can't remember them all.The sound is pretty bad as well, there's one part where one character's voice goes really quiet for a few seconds, you can't hear what he's saying, but you know he's saying something. A lot of the characters seem to be dubbed over, quite hilariously I might add, one character is screaming while he is being eaten by "things" and he sounds like the Pillsbury Dough Boy, it's really funny. The sound FX are also laughable, in this movie, the cutting off of a head and the cleaning of a blade with a paper towel sounds like sloppy making-out.The scene where the guy belches and farts cracked me up because, 1. I'm really immature, and 2. it pretty much came out of nowhere.Also, what's with all the random news reports? The movie cuts out several times to show a news reporter (Amber Lynn) talking about a random news report that has nothing to do with the rest of the movie. Also, with how bad the editing is, she is cut off in the middle of a sentence once, and often quick flashes of random images pop up before the report comes up.And what I think is the most obvious problem of all, WHY DID THEY STAY IN THE HOUSE??? Don says it's because their car's out of gas and they wouldn't make it through the woods and they could get eaten by bears or snakes. But later in the movie the doctor who experimented on Susan shows up, meaning he either walked or drove there, the latter being the more likely option but I'm willing to believe anything in this movie. If he walked, it can't be that dangerous, if he drove... DUDE, HE'S GOT A CAR, LEAVE!!!Last but not least, the ending. Without spoiling too much, I can say this: WHHHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAATTTTTTTTTTTT!!!???There are so many more questions I could ask. Like why does Doug always laugh like he has problems? Why was Don sharpening the blade with his hand? Why was Don telling a long horror story that adds nothing to the movie? How can a skull talk? Bestiality Network? Cockroach snack?One "Things" for certain, this is probably the funniest and most entertaining bad movie I have ever seen, I was surely never bored. Which is why I'm giving it a 10 that it probably doesn't deserve, I don't rate my movies on quality, I rate my movies on entertainment value, it's too confusing the other way. If I gave the movie a 1, it wouldn't be because of how horrible the movie is (actually it would), it would be because I wasn't entertained and didn't laugh, and I was sure entertained by Things.Oh, one more "thing", the scene where they are watching a presumably fake horror movie on TV and they have the nerve to comment on what a cheap and terrible movie THAT movie is, was quite jaw-dropping, a grand example of irony.

jasonhardy Where to begin? I have also seen what I thought was the worst horror movie ever made, that being "Night of Horror", but then I saw "Things" and everything changed.There is no doubt about it, Things is easily the worst horror movie ever made. It could also be the worst movie ever made. I have no idea how something this bad could end up on VHS and then on DVD years later. I can safely say I don't think we will ever see a bluray release. There's really no point haha.As much as I thought this movie sucked, I have to admit I loved watching most of it. The stuff between brothers Don and Doug is so bad it's awesome.Things makes little sense, features Amber Lynn in a totally throw away non-nude part(boo!), has terrible effects/lighting/audio and contains the worst acting known to man.I give it a 1/10 but also say it's a must see for anyone who loves bad horror flicks.